Half Script:
RODRICK: Greg!
GREG: Huh?Wwhat?
RODRICK:Mom and dad have been calling you for an houryour aobut to be late for your first day of middle school
Greg: wHAT?!gREG LOOKS AT CLOCK READS 8:01Greg: oh jeese, how did that happen?
Rodrick: Go, go, go mom's about to flip out she told me toget you, shes waiting in the car
Greg runs down stairs and gets ready for school. His dadruns in with baseball bat
Dad: Hiah!What are you doing?What's going on?
Greg: Getting rady for(llooks out window and seesdarkness) School...
Dad: are you insane?School doesnt start till next week andfyi it also doesn't start at 4 am!
You woke up manny and ifhe doesn't go ack to sleep(omom and manny wlak in)goodmorning.
Mom: There is no way he's going back to bed. I just wantedto sleep till six.
Dad: go to bed i got him.
Momo:Greg what are you up for making all this noise?
Greg: It was rodrick he woke me up and he changed myclockcut to rodrick sleeping in bed in his room.
Greg: But i swear he was just...
Mom: Go to bed.(exits with manny)
Dad:(while exiting) What is that smell?Camera moves back to rodrick who smiles.
Greg:First of all let's get somthing straight this is a hournalnot a diary i knoew what it says on the cover but when myom went out to buy it i specifically told her to gewto getone that didn't saY "DIARY" ON IT.This just proves momdoesn't understand anything about kids my age.The onlyreason i even agreed to write in this thing was becausewhen i'm rich and famous i'll have better things to do thensit around and answer people's stupid questions all day long.
Reporter: Greg, tell us about your childhood
Reporter 2: Greg were you always so smart and handsome?
Greg: Heres my JournalMom got me this thing so i could write down my feelingsabout starting middle school, but i'll be fine its' my bestfriend rowley jefferson i'm worried about.hE'S DEFINATELYNOT MIDDLE SCHOOL READY.He doesn't really get theconcept og rowing up.I ALWAYS FIGURED THEY WOULDAMEK A MOVIE ABOUT ME BUT I DIDNT THINK THEY WOULDSTART HERE, I MEAN WHO WANTS TO SEE A MOVIEABOUT A KID STUCK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL with a bunch ofmoronsgREGS ROOM ALARM CLOCK RINGSgreg gets out of bed and wlaks into hallway. rodrick attackshim
Greg: Let me go rodrick.(wiggles out of headlock)
Rodric: Come on just having some fun right?No ok so lookmom told me to give you some adveice about starting middleschool, look its real simple... don't talk to anyone, dont look at anyone dont go any where, dont raise your hand, dont goto the bathroom,Dont get noticed,dont choose the wronglocker, dont..ah who am i kidding you'll be dead orhomeschoold by the end of the year anyway.Cut to kitchen. eatsing breakfeast.
Mom: let's get a move on don't want to be late for yourfist day of school.School outsideBell rings, reg walks into mayhem
Greg: Let me just say for the record i think middle school isthe worst invention ever.There are juvinile delinquents,Wweirdos...
Kid1:hey Greg.
Greg: Hey...Thank god their are a few normal people or thisplace would be a freak show.Walks int homeroom.
Greg: If your as discriminating as i am it can be tuff tofigure out where to sit on your first day of middleschool.One bad omve and your stuck next to some idiot forthe rest of the year.Rowley walks in in som forien thingRowley;Greg!!(Waves)
Greg: remember how i said rowley wasnt middle schoolready?Wwell there you go…
Rowley: Hola amigo.Spanish,Spanish,Spanishv Wwhat are you waering?
Rowley: My family just gto back from guatemala its myserbare.Nice huh?
Teacher: Alright class I'm mrs.WalkerEverybody take yourseats.reg sits near rowley
Teacher: Wwelcome to your first day f middleschool.Remember your seats you'll be sitting here everyday.Outside on bleachers
Greg:Rowley if you had to rank yourself on a popularityscale of 1 to 200 where would you put yourself? i wouldput myuself at 19 maybe i would even have a shot a t thetop spot by the end of the year.
Rowley: I s 200 good or bad?
Greg: I would say your around the 154 mark.
Rowley: Wwell who's at the bottom?
Frigglton: Hey guys wanna see my secrewet freckle? it hasa hair on it!!!
Greg:Fregly, sent home for hygene issues at least once amonth.
Fregly: Check it out.. its got a hair on it!!!
Rowley: What color is that?
Fregly: You wanna help me name it?
Gym Teacher: Alright ladies gather aroundpit the knittingdown let's go. alright everybody i am coach molone i will beyour gym teacher.P.E. Is as much a part of my life aswaking up in the moring and going to the bathroom.I live andbreath phyiscal education! who's with me?Are you ready tohave some fun out there?
Rowley: YAH!!
Gym teacher:Great now wwe are gonna divide you into toteams... you there you 2 there you over there ...good.Oklet's sart with a game i like to call GLADIATOR!Shots of them playing gladiator(very rough)Other team runs at them
Rowley: Oh godThey run.Rowly: Were never gonna out run these guys...
Greg: wew dont have to outrun them we just have tooutrun Fregly Other team tackles freglyRowley And greg run under the bleachers
Rowley: Do you think they saw us?
Greg: No, We will hide here for the rest of class.
Rowley: Why?
Greg: Beacause im not playing that game..its not fair... it's Barbaric
Haley: It's completey bararicBoys turn around to see a girl under the bleachers reading
Haley: This place is an itellectuall wasteland
Rowley: You girls get to jump rope..what are you doinghiding?
Haley: Avoiding the pain.It all starts in middle school you noyoure not a kid anymore but not an adult either, the proplehere are separated bvy intellegance, you know like the girlsyouve been friends with since kindergarten.. .they wont evnetalk to you anymore.
Greg: K weel ll it sounds like youve got it all figured out sogo back to your book
Haley: Thisplace is a glorified holding pen, its where adultsput you when you make that akward transition from child toteenager, Hi im halkey(stick pout her hand for them toshake)rowley rechees out bt greg stops him.
Greg:We're gonna go now
Rowley: why this is a good spot.
Haley:This is a perfect spot, i survived the entire sixthgrade under here and i would enjoy some company to get methrought the seventh...
Greg: Is that the whistle: I think i hear the whistle, webetter go(takes rowley's hand and leads him out)
Howley: Wwhy are we leaving we'll get killed out nhere i nthe open
Greg: Put your shirt on theyll tihnk wrere on thewreteam.besides being crushed is better than being seen withthat freak job, trust me you cant recover from socialsuicide
Rowley: Ive never talked to a girl that long before
Greg: wow check that out(walks over to cheese withrowley)
Rowley: Is that cheese?grge reaches down to touch it but fregly runs up and stopshim.
Freggly: godnbess man you almost got the cheese otuch\
Greg: The waht?
Kid: The cheese touch. nobody knows when or how but onedat that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop.nobody knew who ti belongewd to so nobody touched andnobody ever cleaned it up.growing more fowl and powerful by the day then one day a boy named darren walsh madethe biggest moiistake of his life.
kid2: Darren touched the cheese
Darren: no i didnt i just looked at it ralyall the kids ran away
Kid: Darren had the cheese touch it was worse thennuculear cooties.he became an outcast the only way to getrid of the cheese touch was by passing it on to someoneelsedarren touches girl
Kid: so it began the cheese touch frenzyfriend turning onfriendbrother turning on sister it was maddness until agerman exchange studenttook it away saddley for him hedidnt understand the cheese touch thing. tat was lost intranslation so when he moved back to germany he took thecheese touch with him. so the cheese sits patienly waitingfor its next victim.
Rowley;wow
Kid: This is a terrible placecut to hallway greg walks into the girls bathroom screamsthen he runs outcut to cafeteria
Greg: The cafeteria possibly the creulest place on earth buti was about to make some kids day by sitting next to them walks up to a seat and is about to sit down when kid comesup
Kid 3: That seat is savedGreg:For who?Kid 3: Its just saved.greg walks around to other chair and kid 3 says:
kid3: that ones saved to.walks up to 3 other people and they say thigs like so nothappening, not gonna work, etc.
Rowley: Where are we supposed to eat?eat next to wal by trash cans with freggly
Freggly: I guess this is where the cool guys hangout?
Greg: Freggly must have bumped his head when he was littlelike really hard.Ok, Ok so my first day could have gonebetter but at least iwasnt humiliatedAS kids are xitingrowley runs twords grg loudly saying:
Rowley: Greg wanna come home with me and have aplaydate?Everyone freezes and looks at greg
Cool kid 1: Waht did he just say to you?
Greg: Oh well I think my ride's here
Cool kdi: So this guy says to that guy you wanna come overand have a playdate..
Rowley:(Puts his arm around greg) Ya do you wanna cometo?See here's the problem right now i have to take ase fromtthese morons but in 20 years they will be working for me.
Coolkid adult: Greg please dont fire me i need this jobscoping your dog'spoop
Greg rich: I'll think about it.maid brings himice cream sundae no i said vanilla on bottpomchoclate on the top i cant eat this!cuts to boys walking home
greg: palydate?! ive told you lieka million times that guys ourage say hangout
Rowley: Whooops.
Greg: I f your not gonna listen toi me just tell me cause ifyou keep saying that im gnna be sitting on the cafeteriafloor for the rest of middle school i cant e the guy woheats off his lap in the caferteriai should be at the top ofthe food chain by nowsomthing gotta change, fast
Rowley: My mom told me to just be myself and people wouldlike me
Greg: Tha would be good adveice if you were somone else.lolded diaper van pulls up in fornt of the houseRodrick gets out of van.
Rodrick: Hey little brother, your firsat day as crappy as isaid it would be?
Greg: No not at all you were wrong it was acuallly-
Rowley: Worse
Rodirck: You didnt listen to me did you? i told you not totalk look or go anywhere and look what that got you
Rowley: He had to eat his lunch on the floor
Rodrick: If no one wants you sitting at there table you thinkthey want chummy buttons?I was right your not gonna makeit out of there alive!The only chance you have of makingyearbook is when they dedicate it to your memory.Laughsand exits
Rowley: So wanna play twisted wizard?
Greg: No i have abetter idea...Rdoricks "attic"
Rowley: If he catches you up here your dead, he will kill youliterally kill you
Greg: He's rehearsing, as long as we hear the music we areokay gets catalog from under bed
Rowey: wow i didnt know rodrick was inot motorcycles
Greg: Now look rodrick's middle school yearbook,Rowley thisthing is lieka bible see this is where a person liek me needsto be, class favorites.There the best in ther class thesepeople arent nobodys there famous, they dont need toworry about getting a seat in the cafeteria either.Checkthis out there are tons things i can try for Most likely tosuceed best looking class clown they should just give that tome right nowRowley; DOnt you have to be funny for that?Hey we couldtry for cutest friendsRodrick entersRodrick what did i tell you would happen if you ever camein my room again?Rowley: But your band is still playing...
Rodrick: Its the bass solo turdx buglar dont yuou nowanything about music?! i came up here to get a newdrumstick and since mom and dad are gone im gonig to killyou literally kill youRowley: I told you
Rodrick:Beat it rowleyOk but i just want to say grabs rodricks leg run greg rungreg runs
Rodrick: LET GO BABY HIPPOGreg runs into his roommand closes and locks the door
Rodrick: Your gonna have to come out sometime lsoer andills tand here as long as it akes then your deadgreg lloks under door and rodricks shoes are there
Greg: Timeout rodrick i have to pee
Rosrick: No timeouts... only death
Greg: but i reallly have to go
rodrick: dont caregreg steps back ff of greg in his room sees man wateringoutside,speinkler,water drippinghis fish tanklooks under thedoor and still sees rodrick's shoes gets armed in hocjeymask and tennis raqet then opens the door and says hiah!there is none therelooks down and sees rodrick's shoesthen runs to thebathroom
Greg:ahh much better rodrick jumps out of bathtub
Greg and Rodrick: AHHHHHgreg pees on rodrickmom walks in
Mom: What is going on?
Rodrick: Greg sterted it i was just coming in to take ashower
Greg: Hes lying hes trying to kill me cause i was in is room
Mom: So you peed on hium?
Greg: Yes, i mean no i mean
Rodrick: Yescut to greg scrubing the bathroom floorCut to janitor sweeping, he skips the cheese
Rowley: Wow theres a lot to sign up for you could be classfavorite in a lot of things. Jazz Dancing! we could do thatone together
Greg:I cant believe all these activities they're all so muchwork.Stayingafter school meeting before school,onweekends.What kind fo extracirricular activities are these?
Becky:Out of my way.Who let you into this chool gregheffley?I was thinking the same thing about you patty farrell
Becky:You listen to me Greg heffley Im riunnging for studentconcilvicepresedent and im warning you,I foyu get in my wayill beat yoiu up jus like i did in kindergarten, and forth grade.
Rowley: Fourth gradse that one was ugly.Greg:wHATS HER PROBLEM? wHAT DID I EVER DO TO HER?Rowley: You called her fat AND UGLY
Greg:Come on thta was pretty funny. She needs a sense ofhumor.And i need somthing to make me a class favorite.
Hely: What about class favorites?
Greg:Doont you ever say hi or hello before you starttalking?
Haley:Hi
Rowley:Hello. Oh greg is only here because he really wantsto be somthing...
Greg:Rowley!!I was just saying that i would really like to nailthese people because its so obvioous that there only doingthese activities to get in the yearbook.
Haley: You know i like your point of view.You should sign upfor the school paper. were the voice of the people,Wwellthe people are mostly idiots so i guess technicallyspeakingwere the voice of the people maing fun of thepeople,
Greg:thanks but i cant be in the paper because im going to bein the paper a lot so that would be a conflict of interest.
Haley: Youre the people got it.Greg:do you believe me now that girl is crazy town.
rowley:look they have wrestling!
Greg:thats it im gret at wrestling ive watched it for years iknow allt the movesFlashack
Greg:tombstone piledriver. chair shot.vader bomb.cut to gym
Greg:okay somthing is seriously worng here.
rowley: these dont look like wrestling costrumes to me.
coach:welcome to wrestling, you future olypians!so just tomake sure we all get off on he right foot and nobody getsseriously injured, were gonna teach you a few basicmoves,remember this is about having fun and learning thesport!ALL RIght itsa not a competiion because everyonehere is already superstars to me.greg raises handya heffllywhat about pile drivers and vater bombs
coach:that is fake wrestling.This is real wrestling!lets go!!if i have to wrestle benny wells hell kill me
coach:Lets omve comeon!
greggly vs. hefflycoach:alright lets see what you got
Greg:dont worry gregly ill go easy on youfreggly tackles greg
Greg:hEY i wasnt ready
coach:nobody's keeping score but that was a sweettakedown freggly!shots of freggly fighting gregcoach all right fregly! outstanding. and lets hear it for ourother winnerrowley stand up and cheers for greggreg and rowley waling up hillGready?
greg:i cant lose to freggly againif i get beat by the wierdest kid in school nobody's evergonna let me sit at thier trable.
rowley:how are you gonna beat him?ts like he had superhuman stregth
Greg:im gonna gonna beat him. im gonna gain 10pounds this weekso i can move up wieght classes and you and i can wrestleeach other.ready?can i throw at yo now?
Greg:later youre better at riding and im a much better throwergreg trows ball and he misse s and hits ceramicdinner
mom:save some for everyone else greg.
Greg:i cant i need to bulk up
mom: why i trhin youtrre bdoy kool sbuetiful just the way itis.
rodrick: ah i heard e got his butt kicked at wrestling.Now whats wrongwith you? why would you sign up for somthing you donthave to do?
dad: you signed up for wrestling?
Greg:kinda
rodrick:you never sign up for anything at school you flybelow the radar that way you nver raise anyonesexpectations.
dad:L thank you rodrick for those words of motovationalwisodm but perhaps a better way to look at it is that it isa chance to learn and excel at somthing.
rodrick: what could i learn at school that i cant teachmyself?
dad:well i think think its great youre trying somthing new thisis the first step to responsibility!I think you could be big andstrong we could train get the right nutrition cardio.you wouldbe in tip top shape and it would only take like 3 months
Greg:three months?yeahill just stick to eatingwell i dont know ere you put it heffley ,but you gained 10pounds and moved up a classsyes
rowley: i thought you ididnt gain any wiehg this wwekk
Greg:i used my moms ankle wieghtsalright heffley time to meet youre new opponent
becky is standiong in ready positionwat but his is boys wrestling
becky:ever hear of title nine?her parents threatened to sue so you show her what its liketo wrestle a real live boy!!they wrestlecircling each other
haley: come on what are yo waiting for dont be such awoose heffleyshes a girl where do i grab her?haley tackles him.stay down
haley: paty over herehaley takes picturepassing the bleachers.well look who's in the paper.
rowley: greg your famous! right on the front page!rowley's bedroomand if i had pinned her, which i could have done easily,youknow i would have gotten in trouble for hutrting a girl. rowley; why does she even eant to wrestle?who knows girls are very confusing like today for example iheard somone in the hallway say bryce anderson has a cutebutt
rowley: a butt cant br cute...its a butti know but thats' what theyre saying.i dont see why firlscant just talk like normal people
rowley: so how are you gonna become a class favoritenow?two wordsbest dressed
rowley: how are ytou gonna do that?fashion is easy you wear a shirt and a tie and kids areimpressed.Im telling you this is gonna wok.grge walks down hallway in suitses rowley is wearing same thing ta da!i tod you i was weARING THISI KNOW!I WANted to be matchers
Greg:you know maybe rodrick was right about rowley. maybe i doneed a new best friend but i cant just ditch him i mean ifany body has a better idea i would like to hear it. Wellseince i cant leave rowley and ditch him maybe i can fix him!because thats the kind of firend i amwhat are you doing?making you clothes more middle school friendlylook at thistuss to babyish and...wird,to"why dont you just punch menow", wat ar u a fir iexchange dstudent?, oh man this onewe burn!!that was a present from ym momwell then youre momo is trying to get you killed.outsidereday steady goorowley walksnon no no you look like one of the seven dwrfs.You onlyneed one strap. One strap is coolbut theres two straps why do they make teo straps if youonly usew one?because the people who make backpacks arent cool!if theywerere cool theyd give it one strap like the cool one strapguys do.You know what has one strap?Machine guns.youknow what else electric guitarsyou knoiw wat else-ause i discoveed him. rowley; pursesbut joshie is cool rowley joshie is not cool hes a lip synchining pop star whosefsans are eight years old girlsyoure just jealous because i discovered himwho you gonna trust joshie or me?joshie says respect your parents and follow your dreamsthen joshie must get beatan up a lot.next day at school
Rodrick: Greg!
Greg: Huh?Wwhat?
Rodrick:Mom and dad have been calling you for an hour youraobut to be late for your first day of middle school
Greg: wHAT?! gREG LOOKS AT CLOCK READS 8:01
Greg: oh jeese, how did that happen?
Rodrick: Go, go, go mom's about to flip out she told me toget you, shes waiting in the carGreg runs down stairs and gets ready for school. His dadruns in with baseball bat
Dad: Hiah!What are you doing?What's going on?
Greg: Getting rady for(llooks out window and seesdarkness)School...
Dad: are you insane?School doesnt start till next week andfyi it also doesn't start at 4 am! You woke up manny and ifhe doesn't go ack to sleep(omom and manny wlak in)goodmorning.
Mom: There is no way he's going back to bed. I just wantedto sleep till six.
Dad: go to bed i got him. ya you and what army?
carter: whateverboys babbleou boys are so lucky you can hide behind your mommy
rowley: no were not this is myu grandam's house and she'snot even home!greg; what why would would you tell them that?! now therenever gonna leave. you need to call youre mom to come andget us mine will kill us if she knows we are heremine will to she thinks your a bad influenceshes right.then wre gonna have to bust out of hereoutsidegot any threes?go fishcreakinghey whats that?they come at the teens with weed wckers and leaf blowersjust back off i dont want to hurt anyone we jyust want towalk away and forget this ever happened.are you kidding me?! im gonna rip offf your arms and punch you int he face withyour own fiststhe boys runthey run tworads the devil worshiper woods
rowley: the devil worshiper woods no wayhey stay riht there were gonna egt you! rowlry runs inthere gonna into the woods well wre notthis isnt over
rowley: imrally scaredjust keep running did you hear that? its themthey see shadow on rock and run screamingfreggly opos outfregky:guys?they run at gregs hiouse
rowley: are we safe?
greg: yeah and we still hav a ton of candy.dad throws water n them.
dad: sorry i thought you were teenagers.school
kid: i think shelly is ooking hot today
greg: are they taling bou tme?
teacher: alriht class just to let you know some positionshave opened for saftey potrol.
greg: now thats what im talking about. the cops of middleschool. you boss people around report the jerks and misscalss three times a week
….One awesome movie! Just watched it in HBO yesterday night , my mom and I are one watching it! Complimentary tickets, hehe : ) It is said to show in the cinemas on the 1st of December if I'm not mistaken..just kidding. Anyway, we had a whole load of fun! The movie is really funny but has a good moral to it in the end. It's all about appreciating your family and loving your friends. It was really touching at the end. :' ) Great movie for friends and family, so be sure to watch it.
P/S Read the books too. The comics are real cute. : )
RODRICK: Greg!
GREG: Huh?Wwhat?
RODRICK:Mom and dad have been calling you for an houryour aobut to be late for your first day of middle school
Greg: wHAT?!gREG LOOKS AT CLOCK READS 8:01Greg: oh jeese, how did that happen?
Rodrick: Go, go, go mom's about to flip out she told me toget you, shes waiting in the car
Greg runs down stairs and gets ready for school. His dadruns in with baseball bat
Dad: Hiah!What are you doing?What's going on?
Greg: Getting rady for(llooks out window and seesdarkness) School...
Dad: are you insane?School doesnt start till next week andfyi it also doesn't start at 4 am!
You woke up manny and ifhe doesn't go ack to sleep(omom and manny wlak in)goodmorning.
Mom: There is no way he's going back to bed. I just wantedto sleep till six.
Dad: go to bed i got him.
Momo:Greg what are you up for making all this noise?
Greg: It was rodrick he woke me up and he changed myclockcut to rodrick sleeping in bed in his room.
Greg: But i swear he was just...
Mom: Go to bed.(exits with manny)
Dad:(while exiting) What is that smell?Camera moves back to rodrick who smiles.
Greg:First of all let's get somthing straight this is a hournalnot a diary i knoew what it says on the cover but when myom went out to buy it i specifically told her to gewto getone that didn't saY "DIARY" ON IT.This just proves momdoesn't understand anything about kids my age.The onlyreason i even agreed to write in this thing was becausewhen i'm rich and famous i'll have better things to do thensit around and answer people's stupid questions all day long.
Reporter: Greg, tell us about your childhood
Reporter 2: Greg were you always so smart and handsome?
Greg: Heres my JournalMom got me this thing so i could write down my feelingsabout starting middle school, but i'll be fine its' my bestfriend rowley jefferson i'm worried about.hE'S DEFINATELYNOT MIDDLE SCHOOL READY.He doesn't really get theconcept og rowing up.I ALWAYS FIGURED THEY WOULDAMEK A MOVIE ABOUT ME BUT I DIDNT THINK THEY WOULDSTART HERE, I MEAN WHO WANTS TO SEE A MOVIEABOUT A KID STUCK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL with a bunch ofmoronsgREGS ROOM ALARM CLOCK RINGSgreg gets out of bed and wlaks into hallway. rodrick attackshim
Greg: Let me go rodrick.(wiggles out of headlock)
Rodric: Come on just having some fun right?No ok so lookmom told me to give you some adveice about starting middleschool, look its real simple... don't talk to anyone, dont look at anyone dont go any where, dont raise your hand, dont goto the bathroom,Dont get noticed,dont choose the wronglocker, dont..ah who am i kidding you'll be dead orhomeschoold by the end of the year anyway.Cut to kitchen. eatsing breakfeast.
Mom: let's get a move on don't want to be late for yourfist day of school.School outsideBell rings, reg walks into mayhem
Greg: Let me just say for the record i think middle school isthe worst invention ever.There are juvinile delinquents,Wweirdos...
Kid1:hey Greg.
Greg: Hey...Thank god their are a few normal people or thisplace would be a freak show.Walks int homeroom.
Greg: If your as discriminating as i am it can be tuff tofigure out where to sit on your first day of middleschool.One bad omve and your stuck next to some idiot forthe rest of the year.Rowley walks in in som forien thingRowley;Greg!!(Waves)
Greg: remember how i said rowley wasnt middle schoolready?Wwell there you go…
Rowley: Hola amigo.Spanish,Spanish,Spanishv Wwhat are you waering?
Rowley: My family just gto back from guatemala its myserbare.Nice huh?
Teacher: Alright class I'm mrs.WalkerEverybody take yourseats.reg sits near rowley
Teacher: Wwelcome to your first day f middleschool.Remember your seats you'll be sitting here everyday.Outside on bleachers
Greg:Rowley if you had to rank yourself on a popularityscale of 1 to 200 where would you put yourself? i wouldput myuself at 19 maybe i would even have a shot a t thetop spot by the end of the year.
Rowley: I s 200 good or bad?
Greg: I would say your around the 154 mark.
Rowley: Wwell who's at the bottom?
Frigglton: Hey guys wanna see my secrewet freckle? it hasa hair on it!!!
Greg:Fregly, sent home for hygene issues at least once amonth.
Fregly: Check it out.. its got a hair on it!!!
Rowley: What color is that?
Fregly: You wanna help me name it?
Gym Teacher: Alright ladies gather aroundpit the knittingdown let's go. alright everybody i am coach molone i will beyour gym teacher.P.E. Is as much a part of my life aswaking up in the moring and going to the bathroom.I live andbreath phyiscal education! who's with me?Are you ready tohave some fun out there?
Rowley: YAH!!
Gym teacher:Great now wwe are gonna divide you into toteams... you there you 2 there you over there ...good.Oklet's sart with a game i like to call GLADIATOR!Shots of them playing gladiator(very rough)Other team runs at them
Rowley: Oh godThey run.Rowly: Were never gonna out run these guys...
Greg: wew dont have to outrun them we just have tooutrun Fregly Other team tackles freglyRowley And greg run under the bleachers
Rowley: Do you think they saw us?
Greg: No, We will hide here for the rest of class.
Rowley: Why?
Greg: Beacause im not playing that game..its not fair... it's Barbaric
Haley: It's completey bararicBoys turn around to see a girl under the bleachers reading
Haley: This place is an itellectuall wasteland
Rowley: You girls get to jump rope..what are you doinghiding?
Haley: Avoiding the pain.It all starts in middle school you noyoure not a kid anymore but not an adult either, the proplehere are separated bvy intellegance, you know like the girlsyouve been friends with since kindergarten.. .they wont evnetalk to you anymore.
Greg: K weel ll it sounds like youve got it all figured out sogo back to your book
Haley: Thisplace is a glorified holding pen, its where adultsput you when you make that akward transition from child toteenager, Hi im halkey(stick pout her hand for them toshake)rowley rechees out bt greg stops him.
Greg:We're gonna go now
Rowley: why this is a good spot.
Haley:This is a perfect spot, i survived the entire sixthgrade under here and i would enjoy some company to get methrought the seventh...
Greg: Is that the whistle: I think i hear the whistle, webetter go(takes rowley's hand and leads him out)
Howley: Wwhy are we leaving we'll get killed out nhere i nthe open
Greg: Put your shirt on theyll tihnk wrere on thewreteam.besides being crushed is better than being seen withthat freak job, trust me you cant recover from socialsuicide
Rowley: Ive never talked to a girl that long before
Greg: wow check that out(walks over to cheese withrowley)
Rowley: Is that cheese?grge reaches down to touch it but fregly runs up and stopshim.
Freggly: godnbess man you almost got the cheese otuch\
Greg: The waht?
Kid: The cheese touch. nobody knows when or how but onedat that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop.nobody knew who ti belongewd to so nobody touched andnobody ever cleaned it up.growing more fowl and powerful by the day then one day a boy named darren walsh madethe biggest moiistake of his life.
kid2: Darren touched the cheese
Darren: no i didnt i just looked at it ralyall the kids ran away
Kid: Darren had the cheese touch it was worse thennuculear cooties.he became an outcast the only way to getrid of the cheese touch was by passing it on to someoneelsedarren touches girl
Kid: so it began the cheese touch frenzyfriend turning onfriendbrother turning on sister it was maddness until agerman exchange studenttook it away saddley for him hedidnt understand the cheese touch thing. tat was lost intranslation so when he moved back to germany he took thecheese touch with him. so the cheese sits patienly waitingfor its next victim.
Rowley;wow
Kid: This is a terrible placecut to hallway greg walks into the girls bathroom screamsthen he runs outcut to cafeteria
Greg: The cafeteria possibly the creulest place on earth buti was about to make some kids day by sitting next to them walks up to a seat and is about to sit down when kid comesup
Kid 3: That seat is savedGreg:For who?Kid 3: Its just saved.greg walks around to other chair and kid 3 says:
kid3: that ones saved to.walks up to 3 other people and they say thigs like so nothappening, not gonna work, etc.
Rowley: Where are we supposed to eat?eat next to wal by trash cans with freggly
Freggly: I guess this is where the cool guys hangout?
Greg: Freggly must have bumped his head when he was littlelike really hard.Ok, Ok so my first day could have gonebetter but at least iwasnt humiliatedAS kids are xitingrowley runs twords grg loudly saying:
Rowley: Greg wanna come home with me and have aplaydate?Everyone freezes and looks at greg
Cool kid 1: Waht did he just say to you?
Greg: Oh well I think my ride's here
Cool kdi: So this guy says to that guy you wanna come overand have a playdate..
Rowley:(Puts his arm around greg) Ya do you wanna cometo?See here's the problem right now i have to take ase fromtthese morons but in 20 years they will be working for me.
Coolkid adult: Greg please dont fire me i need this jobscoping your dog'spoop
Greg rich: I'll think about it.maid brings himice cream sundae no i said vanilla on bottpomchoclate on the top i cant eat this!cuts to boys walking home
greg: palydate?! ive told you lieka million times that guys ourage say hangout
Rowley: Whooops.
Greg: I f your not gonna listen toi me just tell me cause ifyou keep saying that im gnna be sitting on the cafeteriafloor for the rest of middle school i cant e the guy woheats off his lap in the caferteriai should be at the top ofthe food chain by nowsomthing gotta change, fast
Rowley: My mom told me to just be myself and people wouldlike me
Greg: Tha would be good adveice if you were somone else.lolded diaper van pulls up in fornt of the houseRodrick gets out of van.
Rodrick: Hey little brother, your firsat day as crappy as isaid it would be?
Greg: No not at all you were wrong it was acuallly-
Rowley: Worse
Rodirck: You didnt listen to me did you? i told you not totalk look or go anywhere and look what that got you
Rowley: He had to eat his lunch on the floor
Rodrick: If no one wants you sitting at there table you thinkthey want chummy buttons?I was right your not gonna makeit out of there alive!The only chance you have of makingyearbook is when they dedicate it to your memory.Laughsand exits
Rowley: So wanna play twisted wizard?
Greg: No i have abetter idea...Rdoricks "attic"
Rowley: If he catches you up here your dead, he will kill youliterally kill you
Greg: He's rehearsing, as long as we hear the music we areokay gets catalog from under bed
Rowey: wow i didnt know rodrick was inot motorcycles
Greg: Now look rodrick's middle school yearbook,Rowley thisthing is lieka bible see this is where a person liek me needsto be, class favorites.There the best in ther class thesepeople arent nobodys there famous, they dont need toworry about getting a seat in the cafeteria either.Checkthis out there are tons things i can try for Most likely tosuceed best looking class clown they should just give that tome right nowRowley; DOnt you have to be funny for that?Hey we couldtry for cutest friendsRodrick entersRodrick what did i tell you would happen if you ever camein my room again?Rowley: But your band is still playing...
Rodrick: Its the bass solo turdx buglar dont yuou nowanything about music?! i came up here to get a newdrumstick and since mom and dad are gone im gonig to killyou literally kill youRowley: I told you
Rodrick:Beat it rowleyOk but i just want to say grabs rodricks leg run greg rungreg runs
Rodrick: LET GO BABY HIPPOGreg runs into his roommand closes and locks the door
Rodrick: Your gonna have to come out sometime lsoer andills tand here as long as it akes then your deadgreg lloks under door and rodricks shoes are there
Greg: Timeout rodrick i have to pee
Rosrick: No timeouts... only death
Greg: but i reallly have to go
rodrick: dont caregreg steps back ff of greg in his room sees man wateringoutside,speinkler,water drippinghis fish tanklooks under thedoor and still sees rodrick's shoes gets armed in hocjeymask and tennis raqet then opens the door and says hiah!there is none therelooks down and sees rodrick's shoesthen runs to thebathroom
Greg:ahh much better rodrick jumps out of bathtub
Greg and Rodrick: AHHHHHgreg pees on rodrickmom walks in
Mom: What is going on?
Rodrick: Greg sterted it i was just coming in to take ashower
Greg: Hes lying hes trying to kill me cause i was in is room
Mom: So you peed on hium?
Greg: Yes, i mean no i mean
Rodrick: Yescut to greg scrubing the bathroom floorCut to janitor sweeping, he skips the cheese
Rowley: Wow theres a lot to sign up for you could be classfavorite in a lot of things. Jazz Dancing! we could do thatone together
Greg:I cant believe all these activities they're all so muchwork.Stayingafter school meeting before school,onweekends.What kind fo extracirricular activities are these?
Becky:Out of my way.Who let you into this chool gregheffley?I was thinking the same thing about you patty farrell
Becky:You listen to me Greg heffley Im riunnging for studentconcilvicepresedent and im warning you,I foyu get in my wayill beat yoiu up jus like i did in kindergarten, and forth grade.
Rowley: Fourth gradse that one was ugly.Greg:wHATS HER PROBLEM? wHAT DID I EVER DO TO HER?Rowley: You called her fat AND UGLY
Greg:Come on thta was pretty funny. She needs a sense ofhumor.And i need somthing to make me a class favorite.
Hely: What about class favorites?
Greg:Doont you ever say hi or hello before you starttalking?
Haley:Hi
Rowley:Hello. Oh greg is only here because he really wantsto be somthing...
Greg:Rowley!!I was just saying that i would really like to nailthese people because its so obvioous that there only doingthese activities to get in the yearbook.
Haley: You know i like your point of view.You should sign upfor the school paper. were the voice of the people,Wwellthe people are mostly idiots so i guess technicallyspeakingwere the voice of the people maing fun of thepeople,
Greg:thanks but i cant be in the paper because im going to bein the paper a lot so that would be a conflict of interest.
Haley: Youre the people got it.Greg:do you believe me now that girl is crazy town.
rowley:look they have wrestling!
Greg:thats it im gret at wrestling ive watched it for years iknow allt the movesFlashack
Greg:tombstone piledriver. chair shot.vader bomb.cut to gym
Greg:okay somthing is seriously worng here.
rowley: these dont look like wrestling costrumes to me.
coach:welcome to wrestling, you future olypians!so just tomake sure we all get off on he right foot and nobody getsseriously injured, were gonna teach you a few basicmoves,remember this is about having fun and learning thesport!ALL RIght itsa not a competiion because everyonehere is already superstars to me.greg raises handya heffllywhat about pile drivers and vater bombs
coach:that is fake wrestling.This is real wrestling!lets go!!if i have to wrestle benny wells hell kill me
coach:Lets omve comeon!
greggly vs. hefflycoach:alright lets see what you got
Greg:dont worry gregly ill go easy on youfreggly tackles greg
Greg:hEY i wasnt ready
coach:nobody's keeping score but that was a sweettakedown freggly!shots of freggly fighting gregcoach all right fregly! outstanding. and lets hear it for ourother winnerrowley stand up and cheers for greggreg and rowley waling up hillGready?
greg:i cant lose to freggly againif i get beat by the wierdest kid in school nobody's evergonna let me sit at thier trable.
rowley:how are you gonna beat him?ts like he had superhuman stregth
Greg:im gonna gonna beat him. im gonna gain 10pounds this weekso i can move up wieght classes and you and i can wrestleeach other.ready?can i throw at yo now?
Greg:later youre better at riding and im a much better throwergreg trows ball and he misse s and hits ceramicdinner
mom:save some for everyone else greg.
Greg:i cant i need to bulk up
mom: why i trhin youtrre bdoy kool sbuetiful just the way itis.
rodrick: ah i heard e got his butt kicked at wrestling.Now whats wrongwith you? why would you sign up for somthing you donthave to do?
dad: you signed up for wrestling?
Greg:kinda
rodrick:you never sign up for anything at school you flybelow the radar that way you nver raise anyonesexpectations.
dad:L thank you rodrick for those words of motovationalwisodm but perhaps a better way to look at it is that it isa chance to learn and excel at somthing.
rodrick: what could i learn at school that i cant teachmyself?
dad:well i think think its great youre trying somthing new thisis the first step to responsibility!I think you could be big andstrong we could train get the right nutrition cardio.you wouldbe in tip top shape and it would only take like 3 months
Greg:three months?yeahill just stick to eatingwell i dont know ere you put it heffley ,but you gained 10pounds and moved up a classsyes
rowley: i thought you ididnt gain any wiehg this wwekk
Greg:i used my moms ankle wieghtsalright heffley time to meet youre new opponent
becky is standiong in ready positionwat but his is boys wrestling
becky:ever hear of title nine?her parents threatened to sue so you show her what its liketo wrestle a real live boy!!they wrestlecircling each other
haley: come on what are yo waiting for dont be such awoose heffleyshes a girl where do i grab her?haley tackles him.stay down
haley: paty over herehaley takes picturepassing the bleachers.well look who's in the paper.
rowley: greg your famous! right on the front page!rowley's bedroomand if i had pinned her, which i could have done easily,youknow i would have gotten in trouble for hutrting a girl. rowley; why does she even eant to wrestle?who knows girls are very confusing like today for example iheard somone in the hallway say bryce anderson has a cutebutt
rowley: a butt cant br cute...its a butti know but thats' what theyre saying.i dont see why firlscant just talk like normal people
rowley: so how are you gonna become a class favoritenow?two wordsbest dressed
rowley: how are ytou gonna do that?fashion is easy you wear a shirt and a tie and kids areimpressed.Im telling you this is gonna wok.grge walks down hallway in suitses rowley is wearing same thing ta da!i tod you i was weARING THISI KNOW!I WANted to be matchers
Greg:you know maybe rodrick was right about rowley. maybe i doneed a new best friend but i cant just ditch him i mean ifany body has a better idea i would like to hear it. Wellseince i cant leave rowley and ditch him maybe i can fix him!because thats the kind of firend i amwhat are you doing?making you clothes more middle school friendlylook at thistuss to babyish and...wird,to"why dont you just punch menow", wat ar u a fir iexchange dstudent?, oh man this onewe burn!!that was a present from ym momwell then youre momo is trying to get you killed.outsidereday steady goorowley walksnon no no you look like one of the seven dwrfs.You onlyneed one strap. One strap is coolbut theres two straps why do they make teo straps if youonly usew one?because the people who make backpacks arent cool!if theywerere cool theyd give it one strap like the cool one strapguys do.You know what has one strap?Machine guns.youknow what else electric guitarsyou knoiw wat else-ause i discoveed him. rowley; pursesbut joshie is cool rowley joshie is not cool hes a lip synchining pop star whosefsans are eight years old girlsyoure just jealous because i discovered himwho you gonna trust joshie or me?joshie says respect your parents and follow your dreamsthen joshie must get beatan up a lot.next day at school
Rodrick: Greg!
Greg: Huh?Wwhat?
Rodrick:Mom and dad have been calling you for an hour youraobut to be late for your first day of middle school
Greg: wHAT?! gREG LOOKS AT CLOCK READS 8:01
Greg: oh jeese, how did that happen?
Rodrick: Go, go, go mom's about to flip out she told me toget you, shes waiting in the carGreg runs down stairs and gets ready for school. His dadruns in with baseball bat
Dad: Hiah!What are you doing?What's going on?
Greg: Getting rady for(llooks out window and seesdarkness)School...
Dad: are you insane?School doesnt start till next week andfyi it also doesn't start at 4 am! You woke up manny and ifhe doesn't go ack to sleep(omom and manny wlak in)goodmorning.
Mom: There is no way he's going back to bed. I just wantedto sleep till six.
Dad: go to bed i got him. ya you and what army?
carter: whateverboys babbleou boys are so lucky you can hide behind your mommy
rowley: no were not this is myu grandam's house and she'snot even home!greg; what why would would you tell them that?! now therenever gonna leave. you need to call youre mom to come andget us mine will kill us if she knows we are heremine will to she thinks your a bad influenceshes right.then wre gonna have to bust out of hereoutsidegot any threes?go fishcreakinghey whats that?they come at the teens with weed wckers and leaf blowersjust back off i dont want to hurt anyone we jyust want towalk away and forget this ever happened.are you kidding me?! im gonna rip offf your arms and punch you int he face withyour own fiststhe boys runthey run tworads the devil worshiper woods
rowley: the devil worshiper woods no wayhey stay riht there were gonna egt you! rowlry runs inthere gonna into the woods well wre notthis isnt over
rowley: imrally scaredjust keep running did you hear that? its themthey see shadow on rock and run screamingfreggly opos outfregky:guys?they run at gregs hiouse
rowley: are we safe?
greg: yeah and we still hav a ton of candy.dad throws water n them.
dad: sorry i thought you were teenagers.school
kid: i think shelly is ooking hot today
greg: are they taling bou tme?
teacher: alriht class just to let you know some positionshave opened for saftey potrol.
greg: now thats what im talking about. the cops of middleschool. you boss people around report the jerks and misscalss three times a week
….One awesome movie! Just watched it in HBO yesterday night , my mom and I are one watching it! Complimentary tickets, hehe : ) It is said to show in the cinemas on the 1st of December if I'm not mistaken..just kidding. Anyway, we had a whole load of fun! The movie is really funny but has a good moral to it in the end. It's all about appreciating your family and loving your friends. It was really touching at the end. :' ) Great movie for friends and family, so be sure to watch it.
P/S Read the books too. The comics are real cute. : )
